Posts
[Lyrics speaking to me the past few days (from ani difranco)]
when the joy had left your body
and you were locked in to your own thoughts
you used to love to sit by the water
and watch it lapping on the rocks
and every time you put your feet in
you'd cry out and you would pray
but it's all downhill from here baby
so naturally, i can't stay
first you'll roll your eyes to heaven
say you never had love so divine
but it will go from
more than ever
to not enough
in no time
you will push and
you will push until
you push me away
i hear you cry out for your water
and i know you'll curse it someday
i guess for me
there's been a few
who've walked up smiling
and drawn a line
between so far
and from now on
yes a big glowing
line in time
and i've been disappointed
i've been heartbroken
yes i too have
loved from afar
but we are 78% water
even our pumping hearts
30 May 2007
23 May 2007
something's gotta give
Though I've resisted the urge to watch Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson in Something's Gotta Give since 2003, this evening I was stuck in front of a television with nothing but reruns and the battery on my cell phone was running low (so I couldn't even play Sudoku)...and I succumbed. The best lines:
You don't actually believe the things you say, do you? You don't think you can outsmart being hurt. You can't hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out. Maybe you'll become unglued. It's just not a way to live.How true. The sentiment there almost -- but not quite -- makes up for the fact that Diane Keaton is the Hollywood version of my mother, and I have a difficult time taking her self-indulgent characters seriously... everything from her mannerisms to the way she laughs and cries is ENTIRELY My Mother. Watching the film was like living with her again. And since the last time I actually enjoyed living "at home" was when I was nine years old, that's unpleasant.
19 May 2007
talking about turtles
Pick up the latest issue of Herbivore magazine, and you'll find Pattrice Jones' The Turtle Talk, a speech she delivered at the Animal Rights 2006 conference. As you might imagine, I do a fair amount of reading about animal rights, especially writing done by ecofeminist women who are -- by all accounts -- on the cutting edge of reconceptualizing animal rights by illuminating and challenging what Derrida aptly named carnophallogocentrism (which, roughly speaking, refers to the fact that contemporary society rests upon the male-directed logic-bound noncriminal killing of animals). Indeed, much of my academic research relies upon the work of such ecofeminists. But many of their arguments are the same, when you come right down to it, and so it's not often I get a fresh voice that makes my ears perk up. Jones, however, has caught my attention.I'm not sure I agree with her conception of property as violence. Indeed, if you trace any parcel of land currently owned by someone, chances are you'll find some injustice if you go back far enough. But to some extent and, really, pragmatically, it's not really worth it to give up all claims to property and put it all back into some sort of grab bag to be allotted fairly and equally This Time Around. Besides the impracticality of it all, political philosophers for generations have demonstrated that even if you've got an equitable distribution initially, it tends to become rather imbalanced quite quickly, and unless we want to have redistributions every generation (not likely to gain much popular support), it's always going to be unfair.
Where I think Jones has a point, though, is that property that entails harm to living beings can often be violent. It probably doesn't occur to the average pet "owner" (boy, do I hate that term) that his/her conception of "owning" a living being is a form of violence, but it can be. [This does not mean that a nonhuman companion living in one's home is intrinsically violent; it all depends on the context and how that animal is treated.] Many people "train" or "teach" their "pets" using techniques and methods they would hardly use for their own children, simply because cats and dogs are "lower" animals. And think of all the "development" that occurs in any given city in any given year with little to no regard for the multiple species of animals who are displaced by such "progress". And what of the animals who are cruelly used as tools for research in laboratories, when responsible and reputable scientists have argued that most all animal research is done with no real benefit to (human) society?
Read Jones' speech. Think about her words. Ask yourself what you would do if your own child was in a research lab with electrodes implanted in her brain after being kidnapped. Yes, I know, people tend to say "but they are ANIMALS and we are human." To that, I say: we are all animals, and we all share the ability to feel pain and hope and fear and love. Looking the other way is the same as any other sort of violence.
16 May 2007
for good reason
Generally speaking, there are two maxims that guide my life:
- Everything happens for a reason, and
- It all works out in the end.
Now, for the religious-minded among me, these maxims cause no small amount of confusion. I am, after all, an unapologetic atheist. This results in questions such as
- Doesn't "reason" imply "purpose" and doesn't "purpose" imply "causation" and doesn't "causation" imply a "cause" and so aren't you really saying you believe in some sort of God?, and
- If things always work out, isn't there someone who makes them work out, and so don't you believe in God after all?
Now, this is neither the time nor place to discuss my reasons for being an atheist; however, these questions bring up some good points. How exactly DO I reconcile The Two Prevailing Maxims of My Life (TTPMoML) with my beliefs?
The fact of the matter is that this pickle I seem to be in confuses God-fearing and God-less folk alike; both deists and atheists believe I'm a cowardly and confused member of their camp. While I suppose confounding people from both ends of the spectrum simply means my view of the world is sufficiently complex, and I could just leave it at that, I believe it deserves at least some explication, since some of the people who ask the aforementioned questions do, on occasion, read and comment on this blog.
While some people may think that "everything happens for a reason" means I'm arguing for the existence of a God, the way I interpret that is "everything that happens is a learning experience for me, and it's up to me to figure out what that learning experience can be."
It isn't that I believe there is a God who's holding my puppet strings; it's that I am acknowledging that the forces of the universe are mysterious and inexplicable and sometimes really crummy things happen that are completely outside of my control, despite my best laid plans. As an adult, after a requisite amount of crying and grrr-ing, I tend to look at difficult situations as ones which force me to grow as a person and learn how to be a Better Me. And so when I say that everything happens for a reason, it's not that I believe God is throwing me curve balls to see whether I'll be able to catch up; it's that it's up to me to figure out how to take control of a situation and make it one from which I will grow rather than wither.
And as for the second maxim: when I proclaim that "it all works out in the end," what I'm saying is that it doesn't pay off to worry about things all that much. Yes, I should work hard to achieve my goals, I should aim to be a Good Person and foster relationships with the people whom I love, and I should generally attempt to live an ethical and productive life. Nonetheless, there are always things that happen that cause what should, by all rights, be a carefree and nonplussed existence to become a confusing and complicated life. Try as I might, though, fighting against any of that just stirs up the storms even more. It's when we relax, and take deep breaths, and realize we're working against ourselves -- when we place faith in the idea that we are good people, and justice is a fact, and nothing lasts forever -- that we can see that there is a stability, a continuity, an overall sense of balance that we return to from time to time.
Perhaps the atheists and the deists are right; maybe I'm a cowardly person who can't choose one side or the other; perhaps I need to take up some form of Buddhism. But TTPMoML hold far too much significance -- and signify far too much truth -- that I can't help but view the world any other way. At some point, the arguments for or against the existence of God are meaningless. Belief in God or no, the universe deserves our reverence and our respect. There are things that happen that we don't plan on, and how we handle them matters more than who or what caused them to happen. And there are even things we work hard to make not happen, but they happen anyway. All we can really do is take the love we have inside our souls and work to understand our place human beings improbably alive on a speck of dirt in the midst of a vast universe.
God may exist, and He may not. Whatever our religious leanings, what we have in common is the ability to be morally ambitious in the face of great turmoil, which happens so we can learn lessons and grow. No matter how difficult that may be, we all do reach our small spaces eventually, those places where the struggle is all worth it and we can summon up the peace to lie down and simply rest our eyes. Because, as you know, it all works out in the end.
The fact of the matter is that this pickle I seem to be in confuses God-fearing and God-less folk alike; both deists and atheists believe I'm a cowardly and confused member of their camp. While I suppose confounding people from both ends of the spectrum simply means my view of the world is sufficiently complex, and I could just leave it at that, I believe it deserves at least some explication, since some of the people who ask the aforementioned questions do, on occasion, read and comment on this blog.
While some people may think that "everything happens for a reason" means I'm arguing for the existence of a God, the way I interpret that is "everything that happens is a learning experience for me, and it's up to me to figure out what that learning experience can be."
It isn't that I believe there is a God who's holding my puppet strings; it's that I am acknowledging that the forces of the universe are mysterious and inexplicable and sometimes really crummy things happen that are completely outside of my control, despite my best laid plans. As an adult, after a requisite amount of crying and grrr-ing, I tend to look at difficult situations as ones which force me to grow as a person and learn how to be a Better Me. And so when I say that everything happens for a reason, it's not that I believe God is throwing me curve balls to see whether I'll be able to catch up; it's that it's up to me to figure out how to take control of a situation and make it one from which I will grow rather than wither.
And as for the second maxim: when I proclaim that "it all works out in the end," what I'm saying is that it doesn't pay off to worry about things all that much. Yes, I should work hard to achieve my goals, I should aim to be a Good Person and foster relationships with the people whom I love, and I should generally attempt to live an ethical and productive life. Nonetheless, there are always things that happen that cause what should, by all rights, be a carefree and nonplussed existence to become a confusing and complicated life. Try as I might, though, fighting against any of that just stirs up the storms even more. It's when we relax, and take deep breaths, and realize we're working against ourselves -- when we place faith in the idea that we are good people, and justice is a fact, and nothing lasts forever -- that we can see that there is a stability, a continuity, an overall sense of balance that we return to from time to time.
Perhaps the atheists and the deists are right; maybe I'm a cowardly person who can't choose one side or the other; perhaps I need to take up some form of Buddhism. But TTPMoML hold far too much significance -- and signify far too much truth -- that I can't help but view the world any other way. At some point, the arguments for or against the existence of God are meaningless. Belief in God or no, the universe deserves our reverence and our respect. There are things that happen that we don't plan on, and how we handle them matters more than who or what caused them to happen. And there are even things we work hard to make not happen, but they happen anyway. All we can really do is take the love we have inside our souls and work to understand our place human beings improbably alive on a speck of dirt in the midst of a vast universe.
God may exist, and He may not. Whatever our religious leanings, what we have in common is the ability to be morally ambitious in the face of great turmoil, which happens so we can learn lessons and grow. No matter how difficult that may be, we all do reach our small spaces eventually, those places where the struggle is all worth it and we can summon up the peace to lie down and simply rest our eyes. Because, as you know, it all works out in the end.
words of advice
Found this online today, and thought I'd share. Good advice for us all.
---
I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simple saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.
---
I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simple saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.
11 May 2007
vegan anger
I'm sure most of you have heard the story in the news: a couple was sentenced to life in prison after they starved their baby to death. And, of course, since they were vegan, nearly every story you read has a headline like CRAZY VEGANS KILL THEIR OWN CHILD RATHER THAN EAT ANIMAL PRODUCTS. Okay, so it's not THAT bad. But on every news site I've been to that has a "commentary" section where people can leave, well, comments, that's EXACTLY what's being said.
Never mind that the couple in question also never sought prenatal treatment for this baby, who was born in a bathtub and never saw a doctor in his short life. Never mind that the parents clearly were uneducated and uninformed about health in general, much less following a healthy diet. No, instead what the media gloms onto is the (rather incidental) fact that the parents were vegan. And, of course, the defense lawyers don't help to stop this characterization, as they argued the parents were doing "the best they could while adhering to the lifestyle of vegans, who typically use no animal products." Um, hello?!?!?
First things first: if this baby had been breastfed, he would have lived. Period. End of story. And yes, vegans do breastfeed since, in fact, it's the only vegan thing to feed babies (even soy formula has dairy in it). And despite stupid-ass comments online by people who are all like, "Uh, breastmilk is an animal product because it comes from humans, who are animals, and so it's not vegan," human milk is 100% vegan and, more importantly, 100% cruelty free -- especially since it comes from a mother who willingly and lovingly gives her milk to her offspring, in comparison to dairy cows inseminated on rape racks (that is the INDUSTRY'S term, not mine) and mourn their children who become veal calves imprisoned in tiny crates while humans STEAL their milk.
The truth of the matter is that it's entirely possible to live a completely healthy non-deprived life AND be a vegan. Veganism isn't predicated on deprivation or starvation. Honestly, I'm not the sort of person who handles deprivation well (it makes me moody and I start hallucinating if I'm too hungry), and so rest assured that I do not in the least feel deprived. Additionally, I am as healthy as healthy can be when you take a look at the usual parameters: my blood pressure is excellent, my cholesterol is awesome (cholesterol comes EXCLUSIVELY from animal products, btw...), and my cardiovascular health is good. I do not have problems with diabetes or any other diet-related concern. And I have two healthy (vegan) children to boot: both born well over nine pounds and not only surviving but flourishing on a vegan diet. Deprived? Malnourished? Unhealthy? You'd be hard pressed to see my family and make THAT argument.
The truth of the matter is that some people are dumb and do stupid things. This is the case whether you're a vegan or a hunter living off the land in Idaho. And these people were clearly unaware of the needs of a baby. Perhaps they were even malnourished themselves. But to imply that veganism was the cause? Maybe we should look at other labels for the family: Christians, Republicans, African-Americans, etc.? Would it be fair for people all over the place to say CHRISTIAN COUPLE STARVES THEIR BABY or REPUBLICANS STARVE BABY (okay, no one would read that, since no one would be surprised) or AFRICAN-AMERICAN COUPLE STARVES THEIR BABY? Of course not. That would be irrelevant at best and discriminatory at worst. But it doesn't surprise me that the media -- and the idiots who post on online news boards -- make such a lame attempt to turn this into proof that veganism is intrinsically flawed; after all, animal rights activists and vegans are the last remaining group of social activitists it's openly okay to vilify. Still, this does not demoralize me. As Gandhi said, "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."
Never mind that the couple in question also never sought prenatal treatment for this baby, who was born in a bathtub and never saw a doctor in his short life. Never mind that the parents clearly were uneducated and uninformed about health in general, much less following a healthy diet. No, instead what the media gloms onto is the (rather incidental) fact that the parents were vegan. And, of course, the defense lawyers don't help to stop this characterization, as they argued the parents were doing "the best they could while adhering to the lifestyle of vegans, who typically use no animal products." Um, hello?!?!?
First things first: if this baby had been breastfed, he would have lived. Period. End of story. And yes, vegans do breastfeed since, in fact, it's the only vegan thing to feed babies (even soy formula has dairy in it). And despite stupid-ass comments online by people who are all like, "Uh, breastmilk is an animal product because it comes from humans, who are animals, and so it's not vegan," human milk is 100% vegan and, more importantly, 100% cruelty free -- especially since it comes from a mother who willingly and lovingly gives her milk to her offspring, in comparison to dairy cows inseminated on rape racks (that is the INDUSTRY'S term, not mine) and mourn their children who become veal calves imprisoned in tiny crates while humans STEAL their milk.
The truth of the matter is that it's entirely possible to live a completely healthy non-deprived life AND be a vegan. Veganism isn't predicated on deprivation or starvation. Honestly, I'm not the sort of person who handles deprivation well (it makes me moody and I start hallucinating if I'm too hungry), and so rest assured that I do not in the least feel deprived. Additionally, I am as healthy as healthy can be when you take a look at the usual parameters: my blood pressure is excellent, my cholesterol is awesome (cholesterol comes EXCLUSIVELY from animal products, btw...), and my cardiovascular health is good. I do not have problems with diabetes or any other diet-related concern. And I have two healthy (vegan) children to boot: both born well over nine pounds and not only surviving but flourishing on a vegan diet. Deprived? Malnourished? Unhealthy? You'd be hard pressed to see my family and make THAT argument.
The truth of the matter is that some people are dumb and do stupid things. This is the case whether you're a vegan or a hunter living off the land in Idaho. And these people were clearly unaware of the needs of a baby. Perhaps they were even malnourished themselves. But to imply that veganism was the cause? Maybe we should look at other labels for the family: Christians, Republicans, African-Americans, etc.? Would it be fair for people all over the place to say CHRISTIAN COUPLE STARVES THEIR BABY or REPUBLICANS STARVE BABY (okay, no one would read that, since no one would be surprised) or AFRICAN-AMERICAN COUPLE STARVES THEIR BABY? Of course not. That would be irrelevant at best and discriminatory at worst. But it doesn't surprise me that the media -- and the idiots who post on online news boards -- make such a lame attempt to turn this into proof that veganism is intrinsically flawed; after all, animal rights activists and vegans are the last remaining group of social activitists it's openly okay to vilify. Still, this does not demoralize me. As Gandhi said, "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."
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